Changing Your Self-Dialogue
Getting back to our process of learning how to love yourself, earlier in this article we talked about becoming aware of when you feel negativity. Then you trace back to find the point where you started feeling that way. Look for the judgment thought you had about yourself. For example you might hear something like the ever-popular, “I’m a bad person.”As you hear those words within, see if a picture comes to mind, or use your imagination to make one up. Can you see this aspect of yourself in your inner vision? You may get an indistinct glimpse of yourself at a younger age. Maybe as a toddler? A teenager?
“People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say
that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are
the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others
have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.”
Salma Hayek |
Now, find another aspect of yourself who feels like a best friend to this self-judging aspect and who is eager to come forward. If he/she isn’t eager, that’s okay. Just ask inside for the best friend to come forward and if you are patient and sincere, that aspect will come into your awareness. This aspect of yourself already knows how to love yourself.
Don’t get discouraged if you don't become immediately aware of this part of yourself the first time you do this. For some of us, the flame of self love is so low that the positive voice inside is all but snuffed out. If this describes you, please be gentle with yourself. Don’t use this exercise to beat yourself up even more.
And, don’t give up.
If you can’t find the aspect that already knows how to love yourself, then make one up. The imagination is a powerful tool that can be used for great healing. Just imagine a kind being who loves you unconditionally. Imagine or make up what that person would say to you if they heard you saying “I’m a bad person” to yourself.
You might hear something like …
“I love you. You are wonderful, exactly as you are right now in this
moment. You are a good and wonderful person. I know your beautiful
heart. It is challenging for you right now because you are coming up
against a growth area for you. Just remember how beautiful you are. You
will get through this. Your evolution and growth are assured. I will
help you learn how to love yourself.”
Stay with this dialogue for as long as you can. It may feel strange and uncomfortable at first because it is new. That’s okay, just stay with it. Really hear the response from the best friend aspect. Let the aspect of you who uttered “I’m a bad person” soak up the love and support. If you stay with it, you will find a noticeable increase in your self love.
Try doing the dialogue in writing. For some people that is easier.
You can also do a mini version of this as you go about your day and you become aware of slipping into negative self talk. Once you’ve identified the best friend aspect of yourself the first time it gets much easier to call it up again. Learning how to love yourself is like exercising a muscle you didn’t know you had. The more you do it, the stronger it gets.
Listen to your best friend aspect’s words of love and encouragement. Drink it in and indulge in the good feelings.
“I don’t like myself – I’m crazy about myself!”
Mae West |
Just try this for one day and you’ll be amazed at what you discover. Maybe pick a day when you have some leisure time so you’re not distracted by work and other obligations.
The Steps In Brief
- Be on alert for inner negativity.
- Scan back to when you first started feeling that way.
- Zero in on what you told yourself about yourself at that point – the thought that triggered the negativity.
- Call up your best friend aspect and let him/her love you.
- Drink in the love, encouragement and support from this aspect of yourself.
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