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How to Deal with Unfairness and Change the Things You Can
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit
Many times in the past, I’ve complained that things weren’t fair.
Sometimes, I was legitimately wronged—like when I was a kid and an adult in my life regularly told people lies about me, seemingly to justify her disdain and mistreatment.
Other times, I victimized myself to avoid taking responsibility—like when I didn’t prepare well and bombed at a community theater audition, but attributed my failure to favoritism.
As an indignant adolescent, I blamed many of my difficult early experiences for the perpetual chip on my shoulder. I bemoaned the injustices of the world because I felt so many befell me.
It wasn’t my fault that I was angry all the time; there was just a lot to be bitter about. At least that’s what I thought back then.
One day, when I was commiserating with a friend who was upset about a seemingly unfair situation in her life, I wondered: What good does this do us?
Grumbling about injustice doesn’t make things just—and the ensuing hostility doesn’t help us effectively address things that need fixing.
You can’t create positive change from a negative mindset. You have to heal your pain before you can set out to heal the world. And you have to stop seeing yourself as a victim if you want to access your personal power.
Still, despite knowing this and making a conscious effort to change, I still feel an instinctively strong and irate response to perceived unfairness at times.
If a friend gets passed over for a promotion because it went to the boss’ daughter, I feel outraged for that friend.
If I see someone hit a parked car and speed away, I seriously consider following them and issuing a citizen’s arrest.
If I believe someone is earning boatloads of money unethically, I ruminate on how it’s not right, and wish I could do something to stop it.
I think it’s wrong when someone cuts in line; it’s wrong when someone bucks a system; it’s wrong when systems don’t do what they’re supposed to—the list goes on and on.
I’m learning to understand my strong emotional response so that I can challenge the feelings and thoughts that disempower me. If you’d like to do the same, you may find this post helpful.
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