Holiday depression is common and perhaps up to 10% of the population suffers from it to some degree or another. Depression is associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives. We may remember spending past holidays with a loved one who is no longer with us. Or we may get depressed by seeing so many others who have someone special in their lives -- whether it be their family, close friends, or a significant other -- to share the season. Or it may be a combination of these things and others, such as dealing with an ongoing mental disorder.
Stress is also increased during the holidays. Old family arguments are frequently reignited at holiday time, lines are longer everywhere you go shopping, parking spaces are impossible to find, and you often must schedule your life to try and get to three places all at the same time.
Overeating is another common holiday-related problem. With an abundance of food and drink available at many family gatherings, we often overeat. Many people also use overeating as a way of coping with the increased stress or feelings of depression during this time of the year.
Helpful Hints for the Holidays
Whatever the reason for these problems, there are some things you can do to try and ward them off, or at least minimize their impact on your life. The holidays are first and foremost a time of spirituality and recognition of special religious events. This may be a good time to renew your spiritual beliefs and spend more time in contemplation of religion and spirituality. If you haven't been to church or synagogue in years, for instance, now may be a good time to think about going again. I don't think spirituality alone has all the answers to any of the world's problems or people's personal problems. Nevertheless, it can help you understand your life, your motivations, and your relationships with others.
Beyond spirituality, you can consider turning to those activities and hobbies that have helped you in the past. This may mean volunteering more time at a local hospital or nursing home. Or devoting more time to writing, sewing, woodworking, fixing up things around the house, going to the library, reading, or any of a number of other activities. The point here is to try and keep your mind focused on those things which bring you pleasure and which you enjoy doing. This is certainly no "cure-all," but can be worth a try. Try avoiding places or things that remind you of sad feelings or memories.
There are other things a person can do to ward off the holiday blues. Hanging out with friends or family members who don't have sad or negative emotions attached to them may be helpful. If not in the real world, then you may also consider spending more time online in a support group or chat area that is to your liking. Spending more time with friends can also keep your mind off your depression and negative emotions. Some people avoid doing this, though, for fear of bringing the group of friends down with their mood. This is unlikely to happen in most groups and more likely than not, the togetherness will bring your mood up.
Obviously if you are suffering from a mental disorder which is worsened by the stress or additional emotions brought about by the holidays, you should look into increasing your coping skills. This can be done on your own, or you can ask your therapist to talk more about these skills and find ones that work best for you. The key here is to let your therapist know what you need to work on at this time of the year, and then proceed to work on it. If you're not currently in psychotherapy and your problems are beginning to pile up on you, you may want to seriously consider participating in psychotherapy to help you at this time.
Overeating during the holidays is almost encouraged and an acceptable part of the holiday tradition. Contributing to holiday weight gain is our tendency to isolate ourselves and close ourselves up in our homes and apartments during the winter months because of the weather. This isolation can easily lead to bodily feelings of laziness, sluggishness, and difficulty concentrating. (Some of these are actually symptoms of depression as well.) Exercising regularly helps you to feel good about yourself and gives your body a helpful workout. It may also help to accept a certain amount of weight gain that is normal and natural during this time of the year. Accepting that gain rather trying to fight it or feeling guilty about it will help relieve some of the pressure and stress often associated with the holidays. There will always be time in the future to lose the weight. And, for obvious reasons, starting a new diet or exercise plan around the holidays is not a great idea.
You can help reduce the amount of stress you feel and the likelihood of resorting to some inappropriate coping skills by removing yourself from situations that increase stress. If getting together with certain family members makes you feel bad every year, why not simply limit the time you spend with them to a few hours this holiday season? Make other plans and arrangements to spend more time with the people (friends, other family members, etc.) you do enjoy. Nobody says you must spend a great deal of time rude, obnoxious, or mean people, just because they are your family! If you control the time you spend in such situations, then you are in better control of your emotions and the amount of stress you will have to face.
Additional tips offered in the book, When Holidays Are Hell: A Guide to Surviving Family Gatherings ( by Mariana Caplan) include the following:
- Temper your expectations. The notion of the "perfect" reunion can set you up for frustration and depression.
- Call a friend if the family setting becomes unpleasant.
- Take heed of alcohol consumption. It may seem relaxing in the short term, but its physiological effect can compound stress and depression.
- Set comfortable limits. Determine how involved and accommodating your plans should be well in advance, and make your limits known to others involved.
- Reach out to those with whom you have healthy, nurturing relationships. Get together with friends if a family setting is not feasible.
- Change gift-giving procedures. Consider setting a limit of one gift per person.
Copyright 1998 John M. Grohol. Reprinted here with permission from Psych Central (http://psychcentral.com/).
You could have the holiday blues. People who aren't acquainted with depression are surprised when they feel melancholy or blue during the holiday season. (Those who are accustomed to depression are used to feeling that way any time of the year). But these emotions seem so wrong and out of place at this time of the year.
The holiday blues are unsettling, and for many people, unexpected. One of the strongest emotions you can feel with the holiday blues is a sense of guilt and disappointment. After all, the holidays are supposed to make us feel joyous and celebratory, not sad and melancholy. Many people feel that something must be wrong with them.
What generally causes these holiday blues? Here are a few of the different causes and triggers:
- Expectations of the holiday that are too high for reality to measure up to.
- Expectations for yourself during the holiday that are impossible to measure up to.
- The commercialization of the season.
- Sadness over the loss of a friend or family member.
- Being with family or friends who you have issues with.
- Dissatisfaction over what you doesn't have materially.
- Increased stress and more hectic lifestyle.
- Lack of sleep and less-healthy nutrition.
Many of us have childhood memories of the holidays that are sugarplum visions of perfection, and the adult experience suffers in comparison. It's very possible that our memories are accurate, but we tend to forget that as children we weren't responsible for anything except perhaps helping to trim the tree or picking out presents or "helping" to cook. We're in charge of a lot more now, so the joys of the holidays are now combined with stress and the need to organize and plan. If we adjust our expectations to an adult experience of Christmas instead of holding onto our childhood experience, we'll probably enjoy the season more.
Keep your own expectations of what you can accomplish realistic. Scale back if you think you've been too ambitious. If you get everything done and find yourself with free time before the holidays, great. You can always do more then. Remember that gift certificates are not a cop-out for people like your mail carrier or your child's scout troop leader and buying some of your holiday meal instead of making it all yourself is not a sin.
Commercialization
Are you starting to grit your teeth every time you see or hear a holiday-related commercial? The rampant consumerism and commercialization of the holidays at times seem to usurp the meaning of the season. Since the only place you could possibly block out these sales pitches is a mountaintop in Tibet, the best way to handle it is to realize that yes, the holidays have been commercialized. Merchants try to sell things to you – that's their business. But that doesn't mean that you have to let it bother you. You can make an effort to connect with the parts of the holiday that aren't commercialized.
- Organize a Christmas caroling party .
- Watch holiday specials like “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” or “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” (and ignore the commercials). Read Charles Dickens' “A Christmas Carol.” or The Gift of the Magic .
- Rediscover the spiritual aspects of the holidays. Find out what activities are planned at your church or religious center. My family used to attend a candlelight service at church every Christmas Eve that was one of highlights of the season for me.
The first holiday season spent without someone who's died during the previous year can be very rough. Any aspect of the season that's normally joyous is inevitably touched with sadness, as every special event serves to remind you that that person is not here to share it.
If this is your first holiday season without someone you've lost, face it head on. If you try to ignore your feelings, the pain will just fester. Think about how you want to mark their passing or honor them during the season. Discuss it with family or friends who were close to them. It could be a healing experience for all involved.
Toxic Family
Are the holidays bringing you in touch with family who you would rather slug than hug? Many people have a relative who they dread coming into contact with. It could be the brother who insists on controlling every aspect of the holiday get-togethers or the grandmother who drinks too much and gets belligerent, or even the uncle who molested them.
Try not to let this person or people ruin your holidays. If possible, limit the amount of time you spend with them. Why spend time with a toxic person just out of obligation? In addition, you might want to talk to a therapist or your pastor/priest/spiritual leader and practice coping skills.
Material Dissatisfaction
If the barrage of commercials has served to remind you of what you don't have, you're not alone. But again, if marketers and advertisers didn't make you feel that way, then they would not have done their job well. Consider volunteering at a shelter to serve the holiday dinner or buy a present for a child in need through a Toys for Tots program. It's a productive way to get some perspective on how much you do have, and it really does feel great. You could also weep your way through the ending of "It's a Wonderful Life" and remember that family and friends are the true riches.
Staying Healthy
Treat your body better than you usually do, not worse. Exercise (or at least take a walk occasionally) and get plenty of rest. Even if you feel that you can't spare those precious extra hours, getting enough sleep will make you more effective when you're awake. Also try to maintain a balanced diet. Too many carbohydrates and sugar versus too few fruits, veggies and protein will leave you feeling tired and cranky. Stay away from alcohol. Put simply, alcohol is a depressant. It definitely won't help your mood, except temporarily.
Finally, if you feel blue, don't beat yourself up about it. A certain amount of melancholy is not going to ruin the entire holiday season for you. Just let yourself feel it and move past it
You could have the holiday blues. People who aren't acquainted with depression are surprised when they feel melancholy or blue during the holiday season. (Those who are accustomed to depression are used to feeling that way any time of the year). But these emotions seem so wrong and out of place at this time of the year.
The holiday blues are unsettling, and for many people, unexpected. One of the strongest emotions you can feel with the holiday blues is a sense of guilt and disappointment. After all, the holidays are supposed to make us feel joyous and celebratory, not sad and melancholy. Many people feel that something must be wrong with them.
What generally causes these holiday blues? Here are a few of the different causes and triggers:
- Expectations of the holiday that are too high for reality to measure up to.
- Expectations for yourself during the holiday that are impossible to measure up to.
- The commercialization of the season.
- Sadness over the loss of a friend or family member.
- Being with family or friends who you have issues with.
- Dissatisfaction over what you doesn't have materially.
- Increased stress and more hectic lifestyle.
- Lack of sleep and less-healthy nutrition.
Many of us have childhood memories of the holidays that are sugarplum visions of perfection, and the adult experience suffers in comparison. It's very possible that our memories are accurate, but we tend to forget that as children we weren't responsible for anything except perhaps helping to trim the tree or picking out presents or "helping" to cook. We're in charge of a lot more now, so the joys of the holidays are now combined with stress and the need to organize and plan. If we adjust our expectations to an adult experience of Christmas instead of holding onto our childhood experience, we'll probably enjoy the season more.
Keep your own expectations of what you can accomplish realistic. Scale back if you think you've been too ambitious. If you get everything done and find yourself with free time before the holidays, great. You can always do more then. Remember that gift certificates are not a cop-out for people like your mail carrier or your child's scout troop leader and buying some of your holiday meal instead of making it all yourself is not a sin.
Commercialization
Are you starting to grit your teeth every time you see or hear a holiday-related commercial? The rampant consumerism and commercialization of the holidays at times seem to usurp the meaning of the season. Since the only place you could possibly block out these sales pitches is a mountaintop in Tibet, the best way to handle it is to realize that yes, the holidays have been commercialized. Merchants try to sell things to you – that's their business. But that doesn't mean that you have to let it bother you. You can make an effort to connect with the parts of the holiday that aren't commercialized.
- Organize a Christmas caroling party .
- Watch holiday specials like “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” or “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” (and ignore the commercials). Read Charles Dickens' “A Christmas Carol.” or The Gift of the Magic .
- Rediscover the spiritual aspects of the holidays. Find out what activities are planned at your church or religious center. My family used to attend a candlelight service at church every Christmas Eve that was one of highlights of the season for me.
The first holiday season spent without someone who's died during the previous year can be very rough. Any aspect of the season that's normally joyous is inevitably touched with sadness, as every special event serves to remind you that that person is not here to share it.
If this is your first holiday season without someone you've lost, face it head on. If you try to ignore your feelings, the pain will just fester. Think about how you want to mark their passing or honor them during the season. Discuss it with family or friends who were close to them. It could be a healing experience for all involved.
Toxic Family
Are the holidays bringing you in touch with family who you would rather slug than hug? Many people have a relative who they dread coming into contact with. It could be the brother who insists on controlling every aspect of the holiday get-togethers or the grandmother who drinks too much and gets belligerent, or even the uncle who molested them.
Try not to let this person or people ruin your holidays. If possible, limit the amount of time you spend with them. Why spend time with a toxic person just out of obligation? In addition, you might want to talk to a therapist or your pastor/priest/spiritual leader and practice coping skills.
Material Dissatisfaction
If the barrage of commercials has served to remind you of what you don't have, you're not alone. But again, if marketers and advertisers didn't make you feel that way, then they would not have done their job well. Consider volunteering at a shelter to serve the holiday dinner or buy a present for a child in need through a Toys for Tots program. It's a productive way to get some perspective on how much you do have, and it really does feel great. You could also weep your way through the ending of "It's a Wonderful Life" and remember that family and friends are the true riches.
Staying Healthy
Treat your body better than you usually do, not worse. Exercise (or at least take a walk occasionally) and get plenty of rest. Even if you feel that you can't spare those precious extra hours, getting enough sleep will make you more effective when you're awake. Also try to maintain a balanced diet. Too many carbohydrates and sugar versus too few fruits, veggies and protein will leave you feeling tired and cranky. Stay away from alcohol. Put simply, alcohol is a depressant. It definitely won't help your mood, except temporarily.
Finally, if you feel blue, don't beat yourself up about it. A certain amount of melancholy is not going to ruin the entire holiday season for you. Just let yourself feel it and move past it.
You could have the holiday blues. People who aren't acquainted with depression are surprised when they feel melancholy or blue during the holiday season. (Those who are accustomed to depression are used to feeling that way any time of the year). But these emotions seem so wrong and out of place at this time of the year.
The holiday blues are unsettling, and for many people, unexpected. One of the strongest emotions you can feel with the holiday blues is a sense of guilt and disappointment. After all, the holidays are supposed to make us feel joyous and celebratory, not sad and melancholy. Many people feel that something must be wrong with them.
What generally causes these holiday blues? Here are a few of the different causes and triggers:
- Expectations of the holiday that are too high for reality to measure up to.
- Expectations for yourself during the holiday that are impossible to measure up to.
- The commercialization of the season.
- Sadness over the loss of a friend or family member.
- Being with family or friends who you have issues with.
- Dissatisfaction over what you doesn't have materially.
- Increased stress and more hectic lifestyle.
- Lack of sleep and less-healthy nutrition.
Many of us have childhood memories of the holidays that are sugarplum visions of perfection, and the adult experience suffers in comparison. It's very possible that our memories are accurate, but we tend to forget that as children we weren't responsible for anything except perhaps helping to trim the tree or picking out presents or "helping" to cook. We're in charge of a lot more now, so the joys of the holidays are now combined with stress and the need to organize and plan. If we adjust our expectations to an adult experience of Christmas instead of holding onto our childhood experience, we'll probably enjoy the season more.
Keep your own expectations of what you can accomplish realistic. Scale back if you think you've been too ambitious. If you get everything done and find yourself with free time before the holidays, great. You can always do more then. Remember that gift certificates are not a cop-out for people like your mail carrier or your child's scout troop leader and buying some of your holiday meal instead of making it all yourself is not a sin.
Commercialization
Are you starting to grit your teeth every time you see or hear a holiday-related commercial? The rampant consumerism and commercialization of the holidays at times seem to usurp the meaning of the season. Since the only place you could possibly block out these sales pitches is a mountaintop in Tibet, the best way to handle it is to realize that yes, the holidays have been commercialized. Merchants try to sell things to you – that's their business. But that doesn't mean that you have to let it bother you. You can make an effort to connect with the parts of the holiday that aren't commercialized.
- Organize a Christmas caroling party .
- Watch holiday specials like “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” or “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” (and ignore the commercials). Read Charles Dickens' “A Christmas Carol.” or The Gift of the Magic .
- Rediscover the spiritual aspects of the holidays. Find out what activities are planned at your church or religious center. My family used to attend a candlelight service at church every Christmas Eve that was one of highlights of the season for me.
The first holiday season spent without someone who's died during the previous year can be very rough. Any aspect of the season that's normally joyous is inevitably touched with sadness, as every special event serves to remind you that that person is not here to share it.
If this is your first holiday season without someone you've lost, face it head on. If you try to ignore your feelings, the pain will just fester. Think about how you want to mark their passing or honor them during the season. Discuss it with family or friends who were close to them. It could be a healing experience for all involved.
Toxic Family
Are the holidays bringing you in touch with family who you would rather slug than hug? Many people have a relative who they dread coming into contact with. It could be the brother who insists on controlling every aspect of the holiday get-togethers or the grandmother who drinks too much and gets belligerent, or even the uncle who molested them.
Try not to let this person or people ruin your holidays. If possible, limit the amount of time you spend with them. Why spend time with a toxic person just out of obligation? In addition, you might want to talk to a therapist or your pastor/priest/spiritual leader and practice coping skills.
Material Dissatisfaction
If the barrage of commercials has served to remind you of what you don't have, you're not alone. But again, if marketers and advertisers didn't make you feel that way, then they would not have done their job well. Consider volunteering at a shelter to serve the holiday dinner or buy a present for a child in need through a Toys for Tots program. It's a productive way to get some perspective on how much you do have, and it really does feel great. You could also weep your way through the ending of "It's a Wonderful Life" and remember that family and friends are the true riches.
Staying Healthy
Treat your body better than you usually do, not worse. Exercise (or at least take a walk occasionally) and get plenty of rest. Even if you feel that you can't spare those precious extra hours, getting enough sleep will make you more effective when you're awake. Also try to maintain a balanced diet. Too many carbohydrates and sugar versus too few fruits, veggies and protein will leave you feeling tired and cranky. Stay away from alcohol. Put simply, alcohol is a depressant. It definitely won't help your mood, except temporarily.
Finally, if you feel blue, don't beat yourself up about it. A certain amount of melancholy is not going to ruin the entire holiday season for you. Just let yourself feel it and move past it.
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