Dealing With Loneliness During The Holiday Season
Updated November 07, 2013
The holiday season is generally thought of as a time of joy and love,
but for many people, it’s a time of loneliness. Some people live far
from family and miss seeing their loved ones this time of year; others
dread going to holiday parties and New Year’s Eve celebrations without a
partner and end up staying home; it’s also common for people to feel
emotional distance from the people they’re with, thus feeling lonely
even if they’re in a room full of people. For those who feel lonely
during the holidays, this time of year can be a time of additional
stress. If you’re experiencing loneliness that causes you stress during
the holiday season, the following suggestions can help.
Be Good To Yourself
While this may not completely erase feelings of loneliness, taking
special care of yourself can help you to feel better and enjoy your
solitude more. Whether you
take a relaxing bath and give yourself spa treatments, curl up with a
good book, enjoy a
hobby, or
learn something new,
taking time to do things that will enhance your self esteem or at least
give you a good dose of fun will not only take your focus off of
feeling alone, but it can lift your spirits as well.
Understand That You’re Not Alone
While you may be feeling alone in your life right now, knowing that the
holidays can be a lonely time for many people may help you to feel less
so. (In fact, in a
poll on this site,
over half of respondents said they "usually" feel loneliness over the
holidays, and only a small percentage said they "never" do!) Many
people wish they could be with family, but can’t; many people long for
closer connections with friends, or wish for a supportive romantic
relationship, and find themselves feeling isolated during the holidays.
While it may be uncomfortable to feel lonely, it’s also okay to feel
this way. Talking to others who may share your feelings (either via the
internet, or in real life) can help you to feel less alone in your
situation.
Rethink Your Expectations
Part of why holidays feel more lonely for many people is that our
society has high expectations for this time of year. The absence of a
romantic partner or a close family rarely seems more uncomfortable than
during this flurry of expected social activity when we’re all supposed
to be going to parties and exchanging gifts and enjoying jolly feelings
with loved ones. One way to deal with the feelings of loneliness is to
re-think your expectations. Realize that few people’s lifestyles truly
measure up to “movie standards” of perfect living, and shift your focus
to all the great things you do have in your life. Realizing that it's
just fine to take a good friend (instead of 'the perfect date') to a
holiday party, or that the flawed love of a difficult family member
still counts as love, has helped many people feel less lonely.
Get Connected
As I mentioned, it is possible to feel lonely when surrounded by people,
but it’s harder to feel lonely when you’re reaching out to them.
Whether you’re saying hello to neighbors you’re usually too rushed to
acknowledge, exchanging friendly words with people at the office, or
picking up the phone and calling an old friend you haven’t spoken to in a
while, reaching out to people and strengthening bonds can help you feel
more connected and less lonely. This article has more on meeting people
and
creating a circle of friends.
Cultivate Gratitude
There are many far-reaching
benefits to gratitude.
One easy antidote to feelings of lack is to cultivate feelings of
gratitude for what you already have; it's hard to focus on both at once.
If you're feeling a lack of love in your life, make a concerted effort
to focus on the love that you do have--from friends, family, neighbors,
and even pets. You can also focus on things you really value in your
life, like your work, the hobbies you have, or even your potential.
Maintaining a
gratitude journal
can be a wonderful exercise in cultivating an attitude of gratitude,
and can leave you with a written record of everything you have to value
in your life, to read through when you're feeling down.
Give To Others
One excellent way to feel less lonely during the holidays is to donate your time to a cause you believe in.
Helping others
who are less fortunate than you can fill you with feelings of love and
pride, and even connect you with others who share your passion. You’ll
be part of something larger than yourself, and you’ll be immersing
yourself in the true spirit of the holiday season.
Examine Your Feelings
This one probably won’t make you feel better immediately, but if you
feel lonely much of the time, this may be a cue that some changes are in
order for the coming year. You may want to examine what’s behind your
feelings of loneliness, either on your own or with the help of a
therapist. Would you benefit from putting more time into your social
life so that you have stronger relationships? Is something inside of
you causing you to keep people at a distance? If you’d like to deepen
your friendships, it can cost a little extra time and energy, but the
payoff is having increased support and feelings of being heard and
understood. Making time for friends, truly listening when your friends
talk, and being there for them are all ways to build supportive
friendships. This article has more on
how to make your friendships more supportive.
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