Suicide Project Posts

I ruined someone’s life today….

January 6th, 2014 by clockstrikes0 …and it’s the worst fucking feeling ever.
My ex boyfriend saw me with another guy in a cafe yesterday, and this “other guy” was just a friend of mine in my program and we were just catching up after not seeing each other for a while. So my ex ignored me, which is fine, but today I received a text from him. He basically said fuck off to me and to never talk to him again because I caused him to get deported, so “thanks a lot, you asshole.” He said I didn’t help him find a place when he needed help, and I told him that was only because we had just broken up then after finding out he cheated on me.
He goes on to say that his whole life was up here, he worked five jobs just trying to stay in the country and I basically gave him a death sentence. He’s 25 years old and it was his last chance at a new life and now it’s gone. I’m superficial, vapid just like this guilded cage of a city, according to him.
If ruining my own life way back when wasn’t bad enough, not to mention being disowned by my aunt when I was 14 because I ruined HER life, I had to ruin another one. I just hope he doesn’t do anything, because I’d be responsible for it…

Depressed?

January 6th, 2014 by addonexus02 It has been months and months in which I have been seriously contemplating whether or not I am depressed. Some days I will smile up at heaven (this not intended to start a religious battle, but for all educational purposes) and thank God for all he has done for me, however other days which seems to be a 70% time thing as opposed to a 30% time of the looking to heaven. I feel extremely stressed due to school, I am 16 years old have been taking classes since freshman year (now a junior) throughout the high school years with not a single summer break. Now I realize that there are people out there that have taken classes for far more years with no breaks, but it just feels overwhelming. I let my parents down, for I don’t try my hardest in class, I never study, still manage to get B’s. Nevertheless, I feel like it is not good enough for my parents, even though they are proud of me for dual enrolling (take classes at a nearby college which gives college credits and high school credits). I am constantly having to do work for my online classes and my typical enrolled classes. I have friends that I talk to most days, but they don’t feel like friends I can tell these type of things. Honestly, the only reason I am doing this right now is because I don’t know what else to do. I think of suicide and how it would just make it all go away, but then I think of how my brother would feel and how the rest of my family would feel. I usually begin to leak a few tears at this thought, though it is a frequent one. I have never done self harm, but have come close. I know it will probably end in the response of “Tell someone you trust” but the thing is… I don’t have someone like that, while me and my brother are close it doesn’t seem like the type of thing I can tell him.

i hate school..

January 6th, 2014 by itsnotokaynoelle holy shit.. I hate school soo much! like I don’t even know why?!? all my fiends are there..and I love all my classes…SIKE I hate all my classes I try to fit in but nobody likes me! I don’t have friends cause they all hang out with  somebody else in the school. and now my ‘friend’ is bailing on me and hanging out with the cool people (aka the people that are supposed to be two grades ahead) lol and the thing is that  I study sooo hard when we have tests and then I fail it! HOW!!!! I hate myself so much!!!! even though theres nothing wrong with me.. at lease that what people say to me every one says” omg!! your soo pretty you would be soo popular at meh school!!!!” and im like ummmm no. im so fucking quite!!! cause theres so much on my mind! it sucks! soo much! the only people the support me are my boyfriend and my best guy friend. THATS IT! nobody else cares enough! so why should I? should I just call it quits and kill my self!? I know that shit sounds crazy but when you find out that your ‘friend’ and using you just cuz you good in the one sub. it is… horrible!!! absolutely horrific!i just don’t know what to do.