Sara Tagget is a mental health advocate and
survivor of her daughter, Katrina's, suicide. She is also the co-founder
of the Katrina Tagget Memorial Foundation, and in this post she
discusses what it was like to lose Katrina to the most preventable cause
of death.
Today marks the 5th anniversary of my daughter, Katrina's, nicknamed Kara, death by suicide. For us, it is even more tragic because Kara’s suicide was preventable.
I can still recall the phone call on September 20, 2008, from a stranger announcing, “Katrina is dead, Katrina killed herself”. And so ended the period in my life, now called “before Kara died,” and my new life, “life without Kara,” began.
At the time of her death, Katrina was a senior at Michigan State University, planning to graduate in the Spring of 2009 with a degree in Public Policy and Political Administration specializing in Economics. She had 11 credits remaining and she had earned a 4.0 GPA in her major, 3.74 overall. After graduation she was planning to attend law school or graduate school an,d as she put it, “help the guys who can’t help themselves.” We had no idea at the time of her death to be concerned about mental illness or suicide; we just thought Katrina was a moody teenager who would outgrow her moods. How wrong we were in our thinking.
We are all at risk for suicide because we are all at risk for mental illness. Suicide knows no gender, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic situation, or any other way we categorize people. Over 38,000 Americans in the US die by suicide every year. That is more than twice the number of homicides. If 90% of those who die by suicide have a diagnosable and treatable mental illness, then that means at least 34,200 of those deaths didn’t have to occur. Kara did not have to die in order for us to understand her depression and get her the proper diagnosis and treatment.
She tried to tell us she was thinking about suicide. Her last week she dropped hints like, “I just want to go by a building and have something fall on me.” “I just can’t do this anymore.” Just three hours before she died, I had a conversation with her about the recent suicide of a distant relative when I asked her, “was she thinking of doing something like this,” and she replied, “No Mom, I would never do that to you.” In that conversation, I never said the word “suicide.” I will always regret that years of living with Katrina’s moods developed a fear of getting her mad which stopped me from asking a simple word, “suicide,” which could have changed everything.
She certainly showed us in numerous ways she had a mental illness. She binge drank, did illegal drugs, had numerous car accidents, and, in short, took lots of risks. We ignored these signs because she was doing all the “right things,” earning excellent grades in school, had lots of friends, and was never in any serious trouble. Even the phone call I had with her 8 minutes before she died did not clue me in that something was very, very wrong with my daughter.
As a parent, I convinced myself Katrina was going to be okay because of all that she was doing right. When I became a parent, I believed my number one job was to ensure the safety and happiness of my children. I thought safety referred to their safety from harm from strangers. I did not consider her safety from herself. Katrina was an excellent writer, and after she died, we found she had written, “I’m tired of living inside my own mind.” Until Katrina died we did not understand that she was not just a moody teenager, but that she had a mental illness and she needed proper diagnosis and treatment to stay alive.
I am not angry with her for killing herself; I understand she had an illness, and the illness made her brain stop working correctly. She was young and impulsive, and the pain in her mind distorted her rational thinking, and she did the irrational. I am just very sad that she was in so much pain, and I didn’t do enough to help her. I can keep going over in my mind all the should’ve, would’ve, and could’ves that we could have done for Katrina. But in the end, she is dead and I can’t help her anymore. I can, however, see that she is never forgotten.
So, to honor and remember Katrina, I have become a suicide prevention advocate. I tell Katrina’s story so that others can learn from her and maybe prevent the tragedy of suicide. I know now that she was trying very hard to tell us she was struggling and she wanted to live. I tell everyone the best way to stop suicide is to become aware and educated about the risk of suicide and the warning signs of suicide. And when they encounter a situation where they are concerned someone is at risk for suicide, don’t be afraid to make the call to get them help. 1-800-273-TALK. It’s better to help a friend who is no longer a friend but is alive, than to mourn a dead friend.
We made a backpack for Kara for the Send Silence Packing display. What began as a project on the one year anniversary of her death has turned into a vehicle to share the life of Kara. If she were here today, I would tell her she “was not too much trouble” as she used to claim. She was not a “burden to us” as she thought. She was a beautiful, kind, smart, and funny young woman with a mental illness. Her life mattered. Everyone’s life matters.
www.KatrinaTagget.org
Are you in distress? Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Today marks the 5th anniversary of my daughter, Katrina's, nicknamed Kara, death by suicide. For us, it is even more tragic because Kara’s suicide was preventable.
I can still recall the phone call on September 20, 2008, from a stranger announcing, “Katrina is dead, Katrina killed herself”. And so ended the period in my life, now called “before Kara died,” and my new life, “life without Kara,” began.
At the time of her death, Katrina was a senior at Michigan State University, planning to graduate in the Spring of 2009 with a degree in Public Policy and Political Administration specializing in Economics. She had 11 credits remaining and she had earned a 4.0 GPA in her major, 3.74 overall. After graduation she was planning to attend law school or graduate school an,d as she put it, “help the guys who can’t help themselves.” We had no idea at the time of her death to be concerned about mental illness or suicide; we just thought Katrina was a moody teenager who would outgrow her moods. How wrong we were in our thinking.
We are all at risk for suicide because we are all at risk for mental illness. Suicide knows no gender, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic situation, or any other way we categorize people. Over 38,000 Americans in the US die by suicide every year. That is more than twice the number of homicides. If 90% of those who die by suicide have a diagnosable and treatable mental illness, then that means at least 34,200 of those deaths didn’t have to occur. Kara did not have to die in order for us to understand her depression and get her the proper diagnosis and treatment.
She tried to tell us she was thinking about suicide. Her last week she dropped hints like, “I just want to go by a building and have something fall on me.” “I just can’t do this anymore.” Just three hours before she died, I had a conversation with her about the recent suicide of a distant relative when I asked her, “was she thinking of doing something like this,” and she replied, “No Mom, I would never do that to you.” In that conversation, I never said the word “suicide.” I will always regret that years of living with Katrina’s moods developed a fear of getting her mad which stopped me from asking a simple word, “suicide,” which could have changed everything.
She certainly showed us in numerous ways she had a mental illness. She binge drank, did illegal drugs, had numerous car accidents, and, in short, took lots of risks. We ignored these signs because she was doing all the “right things,” earning excellent grades in school, had lots of friends, and was never in any serious trouble. Even the phone call I had with her 8 minutes before she died did not clue me in that something was very, very wrong with my daughter.
As a parent, I convinced myself Katrina was going to be okay because of all that she was doing right. When I became a parent, I believed my number one job was to ensure the safety and happiness of my children. I thought safety referred to their safety from harm from strangers. I did not consider her safety from herself. Katrina was an excellent writer, and after she died, we found she had written, “I’m tired of living inside my own mind.” Until Katrina died we did not understand that she was not just a moody teenager, but that she had a mental illness and she needed proper diagnosis and treatment to stay alive.
I am not angry with her for killing herself; I understand she had an illness, and the illness made her brain stop working correctly. She was young and impulsive, and the pain in her mind distorted her rational thinking, and she did the irrational. I am just very sad that she was in so much pain, and I didn’t do enough to help her. I can keep going over in my mind all the should’ve, would’ve, and could’ves that we could have done for Katrina. But in the end, she is dead and I can’t help her anymore. I can, however, see that she is never forgotten.
So, to honor and remember Katrina, I have become a suicide prevention advocate. I tell Katrina’s story so that others can learn from her and maybe prevent the tragedy of suicide. I know now that she was trying very hard to tell us she was struggling and she wanted to live. I tell everyone the best way to stop suicide is to become aware and educated about the risk of suicide and the warning signs of suicide. And when they encounter a situation where they are concerned someone is at risk for suicide, don’t be afraid to make the call to get them help. 1-800-273-TALK. It’s better to help a friend who is no longer a friend but is alive, than to mourn a dead friend.
We made a backpack for Kara for the Send Silence Packing display. What began as a project on the one year anniversary of her death has turned into a vehicle to share the life of Kara. If she were here today, I would tell her she “was not too much trouble” as she used to claim. She was not a “burden to us” as she thought. She was a beautiful, kind, smart, and funny young woman with a mental illness. Her life mattered. Everyone’s life matters.
www.KatrinaTagget.org
Are you in distress? Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
No comments:
Post a Comment