If You Need Someone/ Suicide Stories

If you need someone.

January 12th, 2014 by ash11032 Hey everyone. Reading post after post of suicide wishes and sad, dark thoughts takes me back to a place I used to be very familiar with. I can empathize with you and I understand what it’s like to be alone and have no one. It’s a terrible feeling and it usually can’t be expressed with words.. But I would like each and every one of you to just take 2 minutes to try something for me. For you. Close your eyes and let your mind quiet down, it may take a minute but it will if you let it. After it’s quiet think of something, someone you love. Imagine whatever it is at it’s finest quality and let it consume your heart. Let yourself feel the joy of the thing that makes you most happy. And then smile. Even if you aren’t happy still. Smile. It will help..
And sometimes those little things don’t help. Sometimes you need a friend. And I volunteer to be that person for you. If anyone at all needs someone to talk to feel free to email me. We can talk about how you’re feeling, or maybe not talk about that. Maybe we can talk about something else. Get to know each other and form a friendship. Whatever you need.

Compacting my brain

January 12th, 2014 by CaameXx I’ve always dealt with anxiety and depression, well since i was 15, is when i felt the horrible feel.
I wish i never felt that way ever again, and i would do so, to not feel that way again , is to not put myself in that position.
I fell in love again , and no this one isn’t a mistake, it is perfect. So perfect that it shows my imperfections.
Which introduced the horrible feeling back into my life. I’m 18 now going on 19.  I fell in love 5 days after my birthday and been that way ever since. This relationship has showed me how broken i have became. I dissembled myself , in front of myself. I lost the feeling of love , but i know i still can love. I’m having a battle with myself, and its causing my mind to deteriorate. I’m trying to shed this little girl that my past has made me , but its like a demon who has embedded his claws into my soul. When i feel myself overcoming, i start to fuck up , and become depressed, doubles itself. I wanted to run into traffic i can hear him talking in my head. i just want it to stop.

I trying to run away , i am trying to escape. I’m so lost with words. i cant even explain my feelings. I try to explain and people say im being negative, but its really the negative hurting me. I just wished someone understood, step in my shoes. lived with my demon..

Tired

January 12th, 2014 by LNR I’m not expecting much from posting this. I’ve posted things on online forums before and never had a response from anybody. I think I’m just hoping that if I get some of this out I’ll feel a little relief. I don’t even know where to start. I don’t have a problem relating to other people’s stories but I have yet to find anybody that feels they can relate to me. My whole life I have felt out of sync, like I don’t belong in this world. Sometimes I honestly believe I wasn’t supposed to exist, and that’s why everything always goes wrong in my life, because I wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place.
I tried to kill myself twice when I was 15. The first time, I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought I could just use a regular shaving razor to slit my wrists. I cut myself a bunch of times but the cut were so minor they didn’t do anything at all so everybody just thought I was trying to get attention. The second time I had learned from my mistake and I took the razor apart so that I could use it to cut deeper into my wrists. I sliced my left wrist twice and my right wrist once and I couldn’t bring myself to do it again. Obviously this attempt did not work either since I’m typing this now. Even though the cuts were deep and I required more than 10 stitches the cuts did not bleed enough. I guess that’s why they always show the people in the bathtub in movies. I was put in a psychiatric ward for 2 weeks which was a load of BS. The last thing that place did was make you not want to kill yourself. I haven’t attempted suicide since but that doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to.
Right now things pretty much suck for me and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I know people always say don’t give up hope because you never know and it’ll work out, but the thing is….it has been 19 years since my last attempt and my life still sucks. As a matter of fact, it is worse now. I don’t want to struggle and trudge through my whole life just to find out that it never got any better. And Its not that I haven’t done what it takes to try to give myself a good life. Right now I’m in school full time and working two jobs. Things that are uncontrollable just always seem to happen to me that make my life a complete struggle. I am tired. I am soooo tired and I just don’t think I can keep doing this. I believe that there is nothing after death, and I welcome it.
My lights and water are about to be cut off. I have no food, and only $90 dollars to my name until I get paid in 2 weeks. I have an earache due to chronic ear problems I’ve had since childhood and no insurance or money to see the doctor. And that’s just a couple of the crappy things going on in my life right now. I don’t have any friends at the moment that can relate or even understand suicidal feelings at all and no family support. Things just keep getting worse and worse for me and I don’t see any way out. I’m too tired to try anymore. I just want it to end. I want peace. I want rest. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to be miserable. If I can’t feel better I rather not feel at all.

None of what I actually wrote is what I actually planned on writing about but its what came out. I don’t know what that means.