I wanted to tell my story…
It has been years now, and that time seems far away. Something like
watching a movie about a girls life that isn’t my own. I had it rough as
a young girl. I was thirteen and my family was a mess I tried to kill
myself after I was raped by a boy who pretended to care for me. I took
over a hundred aspirin and went to bed. I awoke violently ill and semi
conscious. My family was so angry, they said terrible things I have yet
to find forgiveness for. I couldn’t have my stomach pumped and just had
to lay in the hospital waiting. My ears rang for almost six months. I
eventually grew up and became the master of my own life and I couldn’t
be a happier person. I hardly like to visit that part of my past because
its quite painful and things may never fully heal. But I will promise
that life has beauty and a certain value to it that you shouldn’t abuse
or take into your own hands. Good luck and keep living.
Marie Pang: When I attempted my last suicide more
than a year ago, my neighbors were suspicious about me because I didn’t
go outside at all for a day, and I never answered their text messages,
phone calls, nor the knockings on my door. Finally, EMS was called, and
they found me already unconscious. I am forever grateful for my
neighbors’ concern, and if they never called EMS, I probably would have
died.
For people who have attempted suicide for the first time, I would
suggest contacting them with a specialist in the field who would stress
the consequences if they do it again: They may not just risk dying but
becoming a vegetable or suffering severe pain, and that should scare
them from attempting or thinking about it again. As a chronic suicide
survivor, my last attempt was very severe. I was in a coma for nine
days. I had problems walking, and my short-term memory has been
affected. For people with multiple attempts, I suggest the family
hospitalize their loved ones to become stabilized on psych medicine and
closely observe the effects of the medication to see if it is working or
not. Family therapy can be helpful for those who want to participate
with the patient’s recovery. However, most families avoid it because of
fear that they will be targeted as the main source of the problem.
When I came home after being hospitalized for a month, I was advised
by my apartment manager to not discuss my suicidal matters with my
neighbors because I scare them too much. Instead, I found helpful
Internet support like this to process my thoughts and feelings of
suicide. I really am interested in being trained to help survivors as a
peer counselor for support and understanding, since I have been there
personally. I want to help others who are struggling with suicidal
thoughts or feelings or contemplating for the first time or chronic
attempts. I wouldn’t mind volunteering somewhere because it would boost
my self esteem and do something productive with my life experiences.
I have found an excellent partial hospitalization program for the
mentally ill. They provide intense outpatient group therapy and
individual therapy to learn coping skills and offer information that
would encourage self-esteem and learn about the sickness a little
better. The social workers offer assistance to contact sources of
support that the patient is interested in.
I never benefited from crisis hotlines because if you’re not actively
suicidal or attempting, I feel they just brush me off. They say they
can’t just talk and that their purpose is to help people in eminent
danger. However, I find support and feedback from online forums that
encourage suicidal people to share their thoughts and feelings in a safe
way. There are moderators or administrators to offer advice for all
types of needs.
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