How To Talk To Your Child About Bullying 

 “They’re just words.” “It’ll only make you stronger.” “Just ignore it.” Chances are, these are the messages your child has received about bullying.

But for many kids, bullying is a reality they experience regularly. Three out of four parents say their child will likely witness a bullying incident at school.
So how do we empower these children? The first and most important step is talking to them and making sure the messages they receive about bullying are the right kind.
Whether your child is the target, bully, or merely a witness, your influence can help change the culture for the better. Here are some DOs and DON'Ts for talking to your child about bullying, brought to you in partnership with Green Giant and PACER's National Bullying Prevention Center. With these tips, any parent can address bullying and help Raise a Giant,

DON'T: Suggest They "Just Ignore It"

A common reaction to bullying is encouraging the victim to ignore the bully. "They just want a reaction," people say, and if you deny them the reaction, they'll go away. That's not always the case. Sometimes, when the bully realizes they are being ignored, they can feel a sense of power over their victim that can actually make the situation worse. 

 

 

DO: Check In Regularly

Asking your child basic questions about their day and their experience at school can help you catch a problem sooner. Ask how a specific class was, or who they sat with at lunch. Ask who is trying out for the team, or who is going to local fair that weekend. These harmless questions tell your child that you care, but they can also help you detect changes in your child's situation that may indicate a bullying problem. 

 

DON'T: Suggest Your Child Stand Up To The Bully

While helping your child prepare a speech or enrolling them in self-defense courses might seem like an empowering solution, you're sending the message to your child that this problem is theirs, and that they have to handle it alone.

Instead, discuss what some solutions might be and involve your child in the decision making process. 

 

 

DO: Set Boundaries Online

The National Crime Prevention Council reports that 20 to 43 percent of middle and high school school students have reported being victims of cyber bullying.

Encourage your child to protect themselves by following these two guidelines:
1. Never say or do anything online that you wouldn't say or do in person.
2. Never share any information that you wouldn't 

 

DON'T: Express Disbelief

While we'd like to think we know everything about our children and their friends, don't express disbelief if they say someone has done something that shocks you. Your child needs to know that they can trust you. Asking them to provide evidence or saying that someone "would never do that" can come across as you taking the side of someone other than your child. Instead, be as supportive as possible and listen to their side. 

 

DO: Encourage Them To Speak Up

A recent study of children ages 9 to 12, showed that 56 percent said that they usually either say or do something to try to stop bullying or tell someone who can help (Brown, Birch, & Kancherla, 2005). Make sure your child knows who he or she can talk to if they have something they want to share, whether that is you, a school counselor, a teacher or a coach.

 

DO: Discourage Password Sharing

Explain the importance of keeping online passwords private, even from close friends. Your child may be thinking that sharing a password with a close friend is harmless and convenient, but explain that anyone with their password could impersonate them online and embarrass them. If they insist that the friend would never do that, remind them that the friend could share their password, either intentionally or unintentionally, and someone else would have that same power. 

 

 

DON'T: Take Matters Entirely Into Your Own Hands

While your first reaction may be to protect your child by calling the parent of the bully or confront the child yourself, this is not always a good solution. Not only is this this rarely effective, it may even prove fodder for additional bullying. Your child wants to feel empowered and involved in the solution, so discuss options with him or her and work together to decide on a plan of action. 

 

DO: Be Patient

Your child may be embarrassed or afraid to talk about what is happening to them. This is normal. Rather than pressuring your child into speaking before they are ready, just make it clear that you are willing to listen and be a source of support for them. Once they feel comfortable, they will know that they can open up to you and seek your advice.

Better yet, if you've had this conversation